Give support

When someone opens up to you about experiencing abuse, it can be hard to know what to say or do. Listening and showing you care can help create a safe space for them to share – a space where they feel able to talk openly without fear of judgement.

These conversations don’t always come with a warning, so it’s natural to feel surprised or unsure in the moment. You don’t need the perfect words, knowing a few simple ways to respond can help you feel more prepared if someone chooses to confide in you.

When these first conversations go well, it can help people feel heard and supported – and more likely to seek further help.  

Here are some simple ways to be there for someone. 

When someone shares their experience of abuse, the most important thing you can do is listen.

• Create a safe space
  Opening up about abuse can be really hard. They might feel scared, ashamed or unsure what to say. Just being heard without judgement can make it easier for them to share. Creating a safe space means giving someone the time and space to speak openly, knowing they’ll be listened to, believed, and not judged or blamed.  
• Let them go at their own pace 
  People experiencing abuse are often worried they won't be believed or that they are overreacting. Giving them space to talk helps them feel heard and keeps them in control of what they share. They shouldn’t feel that the conversation will be cut short or rushed. It’s okay if there are pauses. You don’t need to fill every silence or ask lots of questions – just listening and letting them lead can be a big help.
• Keep the focus on them 
  Try to keep the conversation centred on them. It’s natural to have your own reactions, but this is about what they’re going through. Avoid bringing up your own experiences while they’re sharing – this can sometimes feel as though what they have gone through is normal or can feel that their experience is being minimised.
• Stay calm 
  You might feel a lot of emotions in the moment, but staying calm can help someone feel safer. Big reactions sometimes make it harder to keep talking. Gentle, steady responses can help put them at ease.
• Listen for signs they might be at risk 
  Listening carefully can help you notice if things feel urgent or unsafe. If you’re worried they might be in immediate danger, it’s important to reach out for help. If someone is in immediate danger, call 999. There are other ways to report abuse when someone is ready. Find out more about other reporting options.

For many people who disclose abuse, a calm and supportive response helps them feel acknowledged and safe in sharing their experience.

• Lead with trust
  Responding with empathy and trust can help them feel validated and empowered. Acknowledge their experience with calm, steady reassurance, showing that you believe what they’ve shared. Simple responses like: “Thanks for sharing this with me” or “I really appreciate you trusting me with this” can help them feel supported.
• Hear them
  Avoid probing for details or questioning what they’ve said. You don’t need to verify or investigate – even well-meaning questions can feel like doubt and may stop them from sharing.
• Use supportive language
  Some comments can unintentionally make someone feel responsible for what happened. Try to avoid words and questions that may place blame. Abuse is never their fault.

You don’t need to have all the answers. Just offering your support can have a lasting impact and may help them reach out for more specialist support when they’re ready. 

• Ask what they need 
  Asking what they need is more helpful than offering suggestions. It allows them to stay in control and decide what feels right for them.
• Let them choose what happens next 
  They might not be ready to take action or may not want to talk about everything straight away. Try not to push them to do anything they’re not comfortable with.
• Help them find support, if they want it 
  If they want more support or are thinking about reporting what’s happened, you can help them explore their options or support them through the journey. You can find out more about the help and support available on the Get support page.
• Continue to check-in 
  It can help to check in later. A simple message can remind them you’re still there, without putting pressure on them to talk. Let them know the door is open, so they can bring it up again if and when they’re ready. 

After someone has opened up to you about abuse, you might not know how to bring it up again. It’s normal to worry about saying the wrong thing or making things worse.

Reaching out gently can help them know you’re still there for them. You don’t need to go into details or ask for updates. A check-in can be enough. 

You could say:  

• “I’ve been thinking about our chat. How are you doing?”
• Just wanted to drop you a message, I hope you’re doing okay.”
• “No pressure to talk, but I’m here if you want to.”
• “Just wanted to check in and see how you’re feeling.” 

Let them decide if they want to continue the conversation. Sometimes, knowing the door is still open can mean more than you realise.