Controlling or coercive behaviour
You’ve noticed your friend becoming more withdrawn since she started dating her partner. She rarely goes out anymore and constantly puts herself down. You meet her and her partner at a friend’s birthday party and you overhear her partner laughing at her, telling her she looks ridiculous, that no one wants her there and she had better not embarrass him.
This is controlling and coercive behaviour. It’s harmful and it can be a criminal offence.
How could you help stop it?
Offer support
You could wait until your friend is alone and ask if she’s OK. You could offer her support; reassure her this is not acceptable behaviour and let her know you’re there for her if she needs help. You could also make a note of what you’ve seen and offer to help report it.
Tell someone
You could contact the National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247 to ask for advice on how to help your friend. You could work together with other friends to encourage her to get help. Or, if you feel the situation is dangerous, you could call the police yourself.
Explore another scenario
Explore the scenarios below to see how you could put these ways to intervene safely into practice.
Catcalling
On the bus home, you see a young woman being catcalled by a man. He's making sexual comments and moving really close to her.
Revenge porn
Your friend is uploading nudes of his ex-girlfriend on to social media to deliberately hurt and embarrass her.
Unwanted touching
You see a man groping a woman in a bar. She tries to move away and is clearly uncomfortable.
Reporting abuse
You have every right to report abuse to the police if you see or experience it. If you are a bystander, make sure you ask the victim what they want you to do.